18 Things I Would Tell My 18 Year Old Self

Every year around my birthday, I get a little nostalgic. Or I fall into some big picture thinking, setting goals for myself for the rest of the year. This July, I thought I’d look back and think about what I would say to 18 year old me.

To be honest, I don’t think I “messed up” all that bad at 18. I’m pretty happy with where I was and the paths I chose. Of course, there was a lot I didn’t know. But most of those things turned into life lessons I learned along the way, so I’m glad to have had that learning.

I turned 18 in the Dominican Republic on a month-long volunteer internship. I had just graduated from high school in Toronto and was about to start university in Vancouver in the fall. That fall I lived in a dorm, took my first year classes (getting surprisingly good marks in Mandarin but almost flunking out of calculus), made new friends, joined the school musical and visited Toronto whenever I could. Towards the end of my 18th year, I wrapped up my first year of university, headed off on another volunteer trip (this time to Peru), and returned to Toronto to spend the rest of the summer working in restaurants.

All in all, 18 was a pretty great year for me filled with a lot of big firsts. But even though I don’t carry many regrets, there are a few things I wish I had known back then.

Check out 18 things I would tell my 18 year old self (plus some incredible photos from 2010/2011!).  

Invest for retirement

I’ve only recently gotten into personal finance (after we sold our home) and have learned that the most valuable investment is time. I wish someone had told me that at 18! I remember being at a dinner at my mom’s house and one of her friends telling me that if I just skipped my daily coffee and saved $5 per day, I’d be able to retire. At the time, I thought this was ridiculous. Here I was, a broke college student who didn’t have a job. I was more worried about buying textbooks than saving for retirement. Plus, I didn’t even drink coffee!

At 18, retirement just felt so far away. I assumed pension plans through work or the government would suffice (ha!). I also thought that if I wanted to save, I’d have to commit to $5 a day, which I didn’t have. I wish someone had sat me down and taught me the basics. I wish I had known that I didn’t have to put away a set amount every day or every week. If I had just thrown in a couple bucks anytime I had extra, I would have been able to capitalize on years and years of compound growth.

My advice to 18 year olds today: Invest! It doesn’t have to be a lot of money and it doesn’t have to be a regular contribution. Open up some sort of retirement investment account and drop some money in there. Don’t get hung up on how much or what investment route; just capitalize on the time you have.

Read for fun

I’ve always been a reader, ever since I was a little kid. And now I even share my monthly reads on the blog! But there was a period in my life when I stopped reading. With university, I was totally overwhelmed by the amount of reading I had to do for school. It blew my mind that I was supposed to read (and comprehend and take notes on!) multiple chapters of a textbook per class per week. And all of a sudden, my leisure reading went completely out the window.

I wish I had found a way to keep reading. It might have been difficult during the school year but on holidays or over the summer, I definitely could have fit in a few books. It took me a while to get back into reading as an adult and even now, I sometimes struggle with just reading for fun instead of feeling like I have to do it.

My advice to 18 year olds today: Pick up a book. Not because someone else is making you but because books are awesome. You can read in any format from any genre. Find the one that works for you.

Learn how to budget

This goes hand in hand with my investment tip. I remember my dad sitting me down around 18 and asking if I had ever budgeted before. I said no, and he proceeded to draw out on a piece of paper what a monthly budget should look like. I started my own version on Google Sheets and have been updating it ever since. So while I did get a budgeting lesson around 18, I wish it had been sooner and more in depth.

Still to this day, my partner and I don’t follow traditional budgeting practices – we go over our monthly expenses and income, but we don’t have a set amount of money we spend on things. Is this the right way to do things? Who knows! We’re luckily both just naturally frugal, so it hasn’t been a problem. But I wish I had had more of a financial education growing up. I’ve learned more about personal finance in the last 18 months than I did in the first 18 years of my life.

My advice to 18 year olds today: Start learning about personal finance. I know it sounds boring, but it’s so valuable. There are so many podcasts, YouTube videos, books and TikTok accounts out there that you can learn from.

Take advantage of opportunities

I think this is great advice no matter how old you are, but I particularly wish I could say it to my 18 year old self. Moving across the country and living outside of my parents’ homes for the first time at 18 meant the world really was my oyster. There were so many opportunities for me to try new classes, join clubs, get a job, meet new people, etc. My school even had a program where first year students could study at a castle in England!

I wish I had been a little more brave. I know to many, moving away at 18 was brave in itself. But I wish I had pushed myself a little farther out of my comfort zone. In university, all of these opportunities are offered to you on a silver platter. As an adult, you have to seek out those opportunities on your own. So I wish I had taken advantage of them when they were more accessible.

My advice to 18 year olds today: Take a step out of your comfort zone. Look around at what is available to you that you’ve never thought to try.

It’s okay for friendships to ebb and flow

I was one of the few people from my high school who went to university outside of the province and the only person who went to Vancouver. At 18, I was desperate to keep my high school friends as close as possible. I remember staying in my dorm room to chat with friends back home instead of going out with new friends in Vancouver and running back to Toronto whenever I could.

I’m not saying you should completely forget about your high school friends as soon as you graduate. My best friend from high school is still my best friend today and I truly value the friendships I’ve had for 15+ years. But I think it’s important to know that friendships ebb and flow. There will be periods of your life when you’re super close to someone and other periods where you only check in a few times a year. That’s okay.

My advice to 18 year olds today: Don’t forget about your high school friends but don’t cling to them like a lifeline. Invest in making new friends.

Explore more of Vancouver & BC

I attended the University of British Columbia (UBC), which is located on a peninsula of Vancouver. I loved the fact that the school felt like a little community off on its own, but was still located within a big city. However, sometimes the school felt a little too closed off. With the long transit ride into town and everything we needed on campus, it was too easy to stay in the UBC bubble and not explore more of Vancouver or BC.

I’m pretty sure I visited downtown Vancouver less than five times in my entire first year of university. I don’t think it was until second year that I got on a skytrain, went to Metrotown mall or visited Whistler. I had an amazing experience living and studying on campus, but I was so oblivious to the rest of the city that was on my door step. Still to this day, there’s so much of Vancouver and BC that I haven’t discovered.

My advice to 18 year olds today: Leave campus! Commit to getting off campus at least twice a month (and not just to go to the movies or that one bar that never checks ID).

Prepare to be a small fish in a big pond

I grew up and went to school in downtown Toronto, so moving to Vancouver for university was actually a move to a smaller city. However, I definitely felt like a “big fish” in my high school. My high school wasn’t huge – I think we had about 1000 students across four grades. I got good grades, was involved in a lot of clubs, and hung out with the same group of friends all four years. In my senior year, I became more well known around school as the co-president of our social justice club (raising money for earthquake relief in Haiti and being interviewed by the local news) and for writing and directing a school play.

All that to say, I don’t think I was quite ready to become a nobody amongst the 50,000+ students at UBC. It’s not that I felt entitled to any success or fame; it’s just that I wasn’t used to not being good at things. As a straight A high school student, almost failing first year calculus was a huge wake up call. And as someone who prided myself on my writing and love of theatre, it was strange to be amongst people who were way more experienced and talented.

My advice to 18 year olds today: Prepare for the ego shot of not being the best at everything but don’t let it hold you back. I shied away from so much because I didn’t think I’d be good at it.

Learn about diet culture and fatphobia

I could write an entire blog post on this topic! But as I’m still in the middle of my learning and healing, I think I’ll hold off. One thing I know for sure is I wish I had started learning about diet culture and fatphobia years ago. I wish I had spent more time loving my body, and less time trying to change it. I wish I had known how toxic and pervasive the diet and wellness industries were/are in my life.

Mostly, I wish I hadn’t let it hold me back. I see so many instances in my life where I allowed my weight, body size or insecurities keep me from saying yes to things. I can’t play ultimate frisbee because if I’m bad at it, people will assume it’s because I’m fat. I can’t go on that hike because what if I can’t keep up? I can’t swap clothes with my new friend because what if none of hers fit?

I’ve come a long way on my journey but still have so much farther to go. It’s something I’m working on every day and I’d love to be able to let 18 year old me know that she was okay.

My advice to 18 year olds today: Your body isn’t wrong or in need of changing. There are so many incredible fat activists and anti-diet resources out there for you. Please find them and let them change your life.

That nose ring was impulsive (but overall a good choice!)

At 18, I got my nose pierced. I know this isn’t that rebellious by today’s standards and many 18 years old do a lot worse. For me, it wasn’t even that rebellious at the time; I grew up in a household that had no problem with multiple ear piercings or hair dye. But it was incredible impulsive.

I had never talked about or even thought about a nose ring before. But all of a sudden, I came back from the Dominican Republic and decided I wanted one. And just a few days later, I got it. The actual piercing process was pretty traumatic (the person doing it hit a blood vessel in my nose and there was blood everywhere. She then tried to make me get up right away which, of course, caused me to pass out.). But I loved how it looks and still do. I often forget my nose is pierced but love that I always wear a subtle piece of non-traditional jewelry.

My advice to 18 year olds today: Get the piercing. You can always take it out if you don’t like it!

Don’t worry about dating

I didn’t date very much in university. I think I was just too preoccupied with all my coursework, making new friends, and living outside of my parents’ houses. It didn’t help that I spent all of my time hanging out on our all girls dorm floor, in psychology and writing classes that were about 70/30 female to male, and keeping in touch with my high school friends who were four provinces away.

But even though I didn’t spend much time dating, I remember worrying about it a lot. Whether I was hung up on a guy back home or crushing on someone on the boys’ floor below ours, I was always concerning myself with boys. Was something wrong with me that I wasn’t going on dates or hooking up like they do in the TV shows I watched?

I wish someone had just told me that it was fine. There’s no rush to date or get in a relationship. And I probably saved myself a lot of stress and heartache by not messing around with 18 year old boys. The time I was spending with my friends and in my classes was way more important. Plus, I wasn’t going to meet my husband for a few more years, so none of those boys at the time even mattered!

My advice to 18 year olds today: Dating is overrated. Don’t worry about it. The right person will come along when they’re meant to.

Get to know yourself better

As an 18 year old in a new city at a new school, I was clinging to other people. I was so determined to make new friends, keep in touch with my old ones and not spend more than a minute alone. Which wasn’t always a bad thing. I am so proud of the friendships I made in university and still count some of those people as my closest friends today.

But I wish I had been brave enough to spend more time solo. I had FOMO before FOMO was a thing. But turns out, I really enjoy my own company. And I think it would have been very impactful to spend more time getting to know myself during one of the biggest transitions of my life. I think it would have given me a chance to more authentically figure out who I am and what I want to do.

My advice to 18 year olds today: Don’t be afraid of reinvention. Spend some time with yourself and figure out who you are and what you love.

Keep writing

In my senior year of high school, I wrote and directed a school play. I had taken every English and writing course my school offered and my grade 11 English teacher even sought me out to write the play during the summer break before grade 12. So I strode into university expecting to be this incredibly experienced and talented writer.

Of course, I soon learned otherwise. While I did well in my creative writing class, I wasn’t the only one. Lots of people here were good at writing. It wasn’t my “thing” anymore. And I barely had time for it, since I now had to write structured essays and try to pass calculus.

I wish someone had told me to keep writing. A year later, I’d be rejected from the creative writing fine arts program. I took that rejection so personally; they didn’t think I was talented enough so why was I wasting my time? But I wish I had just blocked all of that out. Writers face rejection – it’s part of the job! All I needed to do was keep writing.

These days I write for my work and for my hobby. It’s my biggest passion. And yet, I’m still scared to write. I’ve been dreaming of writing a book for years and have still not committed to it. Maybe I need to take my own advice again at 29?

My advice to 18 year olds today: Keep writing. Or whatever your passion is, don’t stop. Even if you’re not the best, if you love it, keep going.

Don’t be so rigid

When I started university, I had a plan. I was going to do a double major in business and creative writing, so I could pursue my passion while getting some practical skills. After that, I was going to work at my favourite non-profit and then start my own international charity.

Instead I got rejected from the creative writing program, learned I hated economics and majored in psychology, which I loved. I did end up working for that non-profit, but soon learned it wasn’t as dreamy a job as I thought it would be. I then worked in university admin jobs before figuring out my own path as a self-employed freelance writer and social media manager.

I wish I had come into university more flexible. I’m someone who loves certainty but I needed to know that it was okay to come in without a plan. I think I would have been more forgiving of myself and more open to new things if I had been less rigid.

My advice to 18 year olds today: Plans change and that’s okay!

Rethink those voluntourism trips

I started my 18th year on a voluntourism (volunteer tourism) trip to the Dominican Republic and ended it with one in Peru. At the time, those trips were incredible important to me and they really did impact my life. But now, knowing what I do, I cringe thinking of the white saviour role I ignorantly played.

I could (and probably will) write an entire blog post on why I don’t think these volunteer trips are the right way to help struggling communities or assuage white guilt. People much smarter than I have shared why these trips can actually be incredibly harmful. This is another one of those tough life lessons that I’m glad I know now. And while I’m glad these trips were so impactful on my life, I do wish I had known and done better.

My advice to 18 year olds today: Do better than I did. Don’t go on a voluntourism trip.

Lean into your hobbies

In some ways, I think I did a pretty good job at leaning into my hobbies. I joined my residence’s musical, helping to put on a production of Copacabana. My friends and I took weekly ballroom dancing classes where we always hoped to get paired with one of two cute guys. And, even though I wish I hadn’t, I went on two voluntourism trips, leaning into my passion for social justice and travel.

But I wish I had leaned even harder into my hobbies. Like I said, there were so many opportunities for me in university. I could have joined so many clubs or taken advantage of different trips and perks. Of the hobbies I did pursue, I always played it safe (I was an assistant stage manager for the residence play instead of trying for director or auditioning for the cast). And for the things I was really passionate about, like writing, I was too scared to join a writing club or apply to the school newspaper. I wish I had leaned in more and not been afraid to fail.

My advice to 18 year olds today: Join all the clubs! Your hobby doesn’t have to be something you’re good at or make money from. It just has to bring you joy.

That frat party sucked the first time. Why do you think it’d be more fun the second time?

I went to two frat parties in my first year of university and it was two frat parties too many. The first was on our very first night in the dorms. The frats were throwing a big welcome party and had slipped invitations under every dorm room door. Our RA warned us it would suck and yet, myself and a gaggle of other under-dressed and underage girls trekked across campus to see for ourselves. Our RA was right – it did suck. After a night of stepping in what I hope was just spilled alcohol and ducking out of conversations with smelly guys, I found my way back to the dorm and vowed to never do that again.

And yet I did. The second time, of course, was worse. At one point I was stuck in a basement with horrible music, ventilation and body odour. When someone finally opened a door and fresh air hit my nostrils, I clawed my way out and vowed to never return (for real this time).

My advice to 18 year olds today: Frat parties suck.

Travel!

I actually did a fair bit of travelling for an 18 year old. I went on my voluntourism trips to the Dominican Republic and Peru, went out to Vancouver for school, and took a few trips back to Toronto on school breaks and for the summer. But I wish I had travelled so much more.

At the time, I had a buddy pass through a flight attendant friend of my mom’s. That meant my flights were free (minus some taxes) and I always flew standby. Sometimes, this was super inconvenient. The Vancouver to Toronto route is very busy, especially around the holidays, and I often waited hours and hours at the airport to get on a flight. At Christmas I had to fly from Vancouver to Los Angeles, sleep overnight in Newark, and then fly up to Toronto, just to make it home on time.

But I wish I had taken advantage of that buddy pass. Instead of always flying from Vancouver to Toronto and back again, I wish I had flown literally anywhere else. I had free flights! And I had so much time with Thanksgiving, reading week and a four-month summer. I could’ve gone anywhere! I’m still kicking myself for not making better use of that perk.

(Of course, I did start travelling a lot more a few years later, when I no longer had the buddy pass. But full price flights to Europe and Africa were still worth it!)

My advice to 18 year olds today: Book the flight!

Clean your room

I’m generally a pretty clean person. I hate messes, love minimalism and usually don’t have to be told to clean a bathroom or wipe down a kitchen. But I’m also a very lazy person, and sometimes that laziness wins out.

Living in a dorm and away from my parents for the first time, I had complete control over the cleaning schedule. And all I had to keep clean was my bedroom, as our communal bathroom and kitchen were cleaned for us. I did an all right job – you kind of have to keep a shoe-box sized room clutter free if you want to use the desk and get to the bed. But where I failed was vacuuming.

In our residence if you didn’t have your own vacuum, you could borrow one from the front desk. But it was such an effort to walk down to the commonsblock,  check if the vacuum was free, roll it back to our building, and then lug it up four flights of stairs. In eight months, I think I only vacuumed my room twice. And let me tell you, that carpet was filthy!

My advice to 18 year olds today: Don’t forget to vacuum. You don’t need your parents to tell you to clean your room anymore.

My last piece of advice

This was a really fun exercise (even though going through my 2010/2011 photos was a little bit painful!). I usually spend so much time planning for the future that I kind of forget about looking back at the past. It’s incredible to see how far I’ve come and how big passions of mine, like writing and travel, are a huge part of my life today.

To be honest, I probably wouldn’t change too many things about my 18th year on this earth. I think I did all right! If I could tell my 18 year old self just one thing, it would be to learn how to be okay with failure. I think this was a theme throughout this list. I would tell her not to take things so personally, understand that rejection and failure are part of the journey, and that it’s okay to take a risk and not have all the answers.

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What would you tell your 18 year old self?